Dying

-

My mind is tormenting me...

I'm constantly thinking, feeling, shaking, and crying.



-

It just occurred to me that I never truly understood myself all this time. I didn't know who I really was. Honestly, when I look in the mirror, sometimes I don't recognize myself quickly. It's like they are hating each other, I've realized. 

Am I being too harsh on myself??


It's raining outside. I shut the curtain, but I can still hear the rain. Wish I could go outside and feel the raindrops. Instead, I'm lying in bed, holding my phone, and writing this, with music as my only companion.


Would you still be there for me?

Could you teach me how to love when I don't even understand what it means or how to do it for myself?

Would you still be there for me?

Even when I feel like I'm constantly struggling on my own.

Would you still be there for me?

With everything that's happening, has happened, and will happen.

Would you?



                                                                 -

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

you were good to me

-
Wanna text you for the last time Wanna call you for the last time But I’m afraid that I wouldn’t let you go again You were an unexpected someone I had never wished for You were an unexpected truth I had never wished for You were an unexpected peace I had always wished for You accepted me for whom I am You never once forced me for things I don’t want You, the kindest soul I ever knew The silent you, perhaps that was how you control yourself The silent you, perhaps that was how you protect me The silent you, perhaps that was how you love someone I often misunderstood you, angry at you For the way you treated me Perhaps maybe that was how I wanted to be treated when I didn’t accept being shouted at I once said that I wish I could read your mind, that was true  To know everything that you don’t wanna talk To know everything that you find it hard to say Don’t blame yourself about something that happened between us Don’t hurt yourself again, or Don’t let me hurt you, please You were...
Read more

no other topics?

-
Still analyzing something within me. Like the other days, I’m with my self as always. Havin’ monologs, sippin’ all of the wishes, and adoring the sky through day and night. I believe that someone doesn’t always have to be good for something that she/he love. Then here I am. Fluently discuss love, when in reality that topic just another silent fantasy. Damn, right? It might be fun for you all. I love a love. The topic it is. Or am I just being trapped in it? I guess both happened. I’m lovin’ a love then trapped in it with no escape to be found. Is it just a phase? or is it will happen when I think of it? Totally need someone to answer me. Hello? Someone’s here? Where are you? Someone’s here, right? Love is a mystery. Right? Some people would say it’s beautiful, some say it’s painfull. Well, I guess love could be what you wanna see. You see it beautiful, then it is. You see it painfull, then it is. You see it both, then it is. Damn, I love this topic, when sometimes I’m sure I need a rem...
Read more

no internet

-
Still enjoying time with myself and doing my things…… To be honest, I’m desperately missing you. But I’d rather silent myself than reach you out, because I doubt that you’ll reply. I’ve been at war since you left. War between the brain and heart. Between wanting to just let you go or forcing you again to stay with me. Trying to stay online just to check you up, because I’ll always worry. Many types of worries that I’m sure you know what all of those.  In the deep of me, there’s a place where I keep you. That wants you to come back again for a while till forever. Pardon me. It’s again my selfish thing. Recently I often go offline, with no internet. Listening to the music that I already downloaded some time ago. Writing poems as I always do. Thinking of you again and again. I’m getting bored, actually. But no you, is no internet for me. Really. I guess I’ll miss you less, but it’s not.  How can you be so good?  You clueless about this, right? Want to visit you, then telling...
Read more