Bear's Diary

Actually, I'm afraid. If by the time you know the truth about all of this, you'll be disappointed with me instead of giving me sympathy. I'm afraid you would ask me why I haven't been truthful, why I haven't openly held onto you, and why I haven't had the courage to face it. I don't want a reason for not telling you the truth. I don't need an excuse for that. Seriously. But if you ask me multiple times, then I guess I have nothing left except to tell you my real answer, "Sorry that I didn't have the courage to tell you. Sorry that I have been hiding the feelings for you the whole time. Sorry that I made you the excuse almost in all the writings. Sorry that I used you as a shield for the broken pieces. Sorry that I hope for you to be the one and only even in dreams. I hope you wouldn't judge everything that happened to me. I hope that what I did won't let you down. Like the air that we need for our lives, I hope you would see all of this ...

My mind is tormenting me... I'm constantly thinking, feeling, shaking, and crying. - It just occurred to me that I never truly understood myself all this time. I didn't know who I really was. Honestly, when I look in the mirror, sometimes I don't recognize myself quickly. It's like they are hating each other, I've realized.  Am I being too harsh on myself?? It's raining outside. I shut the curtain, but I can still hear the rain. Wish I could go outside and feel the raindrops. Instead, I'm lying in bed, holding my phone, and writing this, with music as my only companion. Would you still be there for me? Could you teach me how to love when I don't even understand what it means or how to do it for myself? Would you still be there for me? Even when I feel like I'm constantly struggling on my own. Would you still be there for me? With everything that's happening, has happened, and will happen. Would you?                        ...

It's dawn right here, It's still gloomy and in a doubtful phase The hands are reaching out to the box full of letters, then trying to do its favorite and reciting the words The ears are listening to some melody, then trying to do its favorite and enjoying it The heart is finding the person, then trying to do its favorite and flying around with it.                                                            - yourbear

I hope you can discover all the secrets that I keep. One by one, by time.  I wish you could feel the same way about me, even in a place where my presence is not felt. Perhaps you want a bold woman who can honestly express her feelings to you.  Maybe you're looking for a lively love that can shows you what love is and how it should be. I often find myself lost in thoughts, constantly preoccupied. I wish we could communicate telepathically, so you would know my thoughts and I would know yours. I always seem to have many monologues, and you're frequently the only topic of it.                                                         - yourbear

You've never been wrong, just like love.... I've always stays silent, focused only on myself Maybe all I need is love, Maybe all I need is someone My mind only knows you, My heart only remembers you So maybe that's why I can't feel anything for anyone else But you.... Who my soul truly desires.                                                          - yourbear

I feel like my mind is overflowing, maybe because of someone, or the thousands of thoughts swirling inside Reality seems empty, not because no one else is around,  rather the emptiness itself I'm alive, breathing, and moving I'm alive, constantly thinking I'm alive, not just dreaming or sleeping all the time ….. That's simply my honest take on being alive. Sometimes, it seems like one part of me feels full, while the outside shows the opposite.  But I can't deny that I'm alive, and that's more than good enough, I suppose. At least I know it's a life.                                                                     -