Bear's Diary

Used to tie you up somewhere near, Yet you always find a way to escape Used to put you up somewhere inside heart, Yet you always find a way to escape It isn’t our mistake,  none of us Not your mistake, Never wanna blame you Don’t wanna blame myself anymore, So not my mistake either I’ll believe it is just what it is, Because we never sitting in the middle We never sitting in the middle, instead We were always between too little and too much I truly know what I did to you I truly know what it was Now, you have finally escaped and left Now, you have finally flown up high Now, I finally let you go Now, I set you free. Goodbye.

wanna call someone to share when i have a bad day, when i have trouble sleeping at night, when I have a nightmare wanna call someone to share when i couldn’t stand myself in a moment, when i have a struggle to be fine with thoughts, when i really need someone beside wanna call someone to share when i have a reason to smile today, when i have a little happy moment, when i have a blessing something happen wanna call someone to share everything that i wanna share, everything about ups and downs happen in life, more and more everything about me that no one else could know know for sure about what i want, know for sure that we often or maybe always want someone, know for sure that i want that someone to be you, know for sure that i still want you.

Hi, I’ve been wondering what you do lately………. Let me tell you something…………… Actually I have many personalities, that sometimes I believe that those are just forms of adjusment. Some people would know me as the shy one, or the quiet one, or the silly one, or the freaky one or anything. They know just some parts of me, not wholly. Didn’t mean that I’m insincere. That’s because sometimes I don’t wanna show something else to them. Didn’t mean that I don’t respect them. But, it just feels that I’m comfortable being like that. Then here you are, from the moment you came, then talking to me. We started knowing each other, then the sense of comfort were slowly growing. Day by day I feel so safe talking to you, that I hope you also feel the same way. Actually I had no thoughts when we started our conversation, such as how my first impression to you.  But, something in me just said that you’re cool enough. I mean, just look at you through the mirror and you’ll understand what I’m saying....

We know each other by coincidence, By one day in the rainy season. Each of us had mutual interest at the start, Starting conversation from the daylight till dawn. We were exchanging information, We were praising each other. Adorable, I mean us, I mean you and me. How fast time flies, How fast enough it is to change us. But this is about us A story that I would like to keep beautifully, A story that I don’t want to unread. But this is about us, A book that I would like to write continuously, A book that I don’t want to close.

Do you think that I hate you?,  I’m highly doubt that Because there’s always something good of you that’s living here with me. Do you think that I hate you?, I’m highly doubt that I just hate the statement about being apart that you have always said. Do you think that I hate us?, No, I don’t I just hate the idea that we are being distant, like as you said.

My hands are trembling, my heart’s shaking knowing that you have fun with another girl. I know it might be different from your pov, but this is how I see. No one ever did this to me, especially no one But why does it has to be you? I couldn’t stand this I’m shedding my tears out And you never totally care what I feel Knowing that you’re so far away Going where you wanna go Doing what you wanna do Saying what you wanna say To, for, and with someone but not me I’m speechless knowing all of this. Thanks.

I didn’t take it seriously what you have ever said,  the one statement about us being apart. That was never in my plan. I hate it when you say that you’ll stay away from me. That was the only bad words that you have ever said to me. I always going back and forth. Like a clockwise that just goes in a circle.  You might get tired that I go round and round. I don’t want to be without you. So, may you do that too? Please, don’t be alone without me. Would you? - There’s nothing I could do except writing these type of paragraphs/poem. We don’t talk anymore, and that is truly what hurting me more. Am I already your past? Can I just be your present?, or May I be your future? Too selfish to say, but I would rather say it.  Wishing that you would know this through the air. or, should I send this to you?

I found the psychological fact in an acc on Instagram that says, “when you already letting go the feelings many times, but tomorrow it comes again and makes you miss him/her, that has meaning that he/she just got your heart.”. No more objections to that one. You already got me from the first. You melt up all off my coldness. You led me to love you. You know that, right? It’s so damn right that you got me. You got my heart. You got my love. You got everything I ever gave to you, right? The side of me that I never showed to people, but you. The angry one, the spoiled one, or many things that I ever showed to you that no one else knows, but you. It’s so damn right that you got me. You got me.

People come into your life for a reason………… Also me, come into your life for a reason. No idea what type of reason that I have to fulfill in your life. But, as always, for sure that I want it to be a good one. Then it's no different for you, you come into my life for a reason too, dear. No idea what type of reason that you have in my life. But, as far as I know and feel, you are more than enough from what I ever imagined. Whatever reasons that each of us have, won’t ignore the fact that we knew each other before today. By the name I called you, and you called mine. By the time and universe that let us met that day. It’s so true that we met for reasons.

Feels like I let my heart go numb, and the reason is my own self What is love?  Do I know what that means? Do I know how that is happening? I guess I don’t know anymore I just let my heart go numb, one again this time.