Bear's Diary

I was so used to hide between phrases about you Maybe I couldn't tell the truth yet, even though my poems were full of sincerity I used to use you, To be my wall in between for closing all the doors, and throwing the other keys I used to use you, To be my topic, for every chapters, every pages I realized it all now Then, what I have to do if you leave me? Are there any places for me to hide? Are there any other topics for me to keep writing? Are there any empty papers for me to keep continuing my thing? I just already had farewell for you yesterday , and today I force my self to forget that I ever say such goodbye to you and to us Are we too good to be true? Are we just enough to be a memory? Aren't we good to be together? Don't you agree? I'm so good at monologue, right? I want to take a chance for us to talk I used to felt you're the only one that gave me unique golden feeling, By every things that you showed me Did my words keep repeating the meaning itself? Did ...

I will try for that The one a thing that you said by your acts I will leave you behind I will leave all about us yesterday I don't need your sympathy  Though I know, my words will find a mess and chaos without you Because the topics that have been written are mostly about you I'm voluntarily opening my door So, just leave me as you want Your sweet words, acts, kindness, etc I will remembering them as how you actually do towards people around you Nothing more than that No motive behind that Right? You brought happines in between You guided me to enjoy a life, You taught me much lessons, You offered me a new color, You read me a meaningful story, You wrote me a pretty melody I guess today is a time  When I must let you go and set you free And leaving me alone as I used to  Goodbye.                                                      - ...

Thank you so much.... To my two beloved brothers.... I think that a word like " Thank you " isn't enough, But still, I'll say it here because I could find no words to replace that I have a million needs and wants, and you all always told me that my needs are more important to be filled first than my wants I've been heavy bothering you, by asking these and those that maybe you never had when you were young I couldn't do yet about something that make you proud of me as your little sister, but I always picturing that I'm still me, the same person as you know when you first saw me  I'm still me, that always force for a thing I want by crying Right? I couldn't change my self by now, to fulfill your expectation about how the girls like me should do to survive But you have to know, that All the words that said by you two are always be my strenght, advice and reminder in life I'll be okay, even when I'm still not Having the two of you as my brother...

I'm creating a moment, I'm recalling a memory, I'm imagining a scene, I'm traveling in a time Many things that I don't have in common with some people Different in how we living and enjoying time (I would like to say jealous here, With some people that had done saying someting from their mind, and something they really want to say With some people that have done doing things from their brains want to) In another life, I would like to be a different from who I am here By my phrases,  Sometimes, its kinda thing for telling me to be more brave By my phrases, I hope that I will still loving about who I am, and  who I have been                       - yourbear

.... I know our distance isn't that too long to be reach by each of us. But my feelings are so inconstant, confusing me at every chance. Honestly, I just have monologue before writing here. But, I forget about what I said. Really. Wherease I would like to tell you those. So many unspoken and unwriting things when it comes to you. I remember what Jane Austin said, " Sometimes I have to kept my feelings to my self, because I could find no language to describe them in ". That's really my type of fav quotes. I'm totally agree. But on the other hand, I think that by this time being I'm still trying to figure it out what language that can be use to express about my feelings towards you. I think because I don't want to keep it silent and hiding anymore. I think that I really want to be find by you. I'm not playing hide and seek,  but sometimes it feels like there's someone that looking for me Is that you? or  Is it just my feeling, again? .... Is it funny...

- You're the one Who told me through messages that I'm worth enough Who told me through messages that I also can be loved You're the one Who told me by the air that its okay if sometimes I lost breath Who told me by the rains that its okay if sometimes I ever cry Who told me by a dream that its okay if sometimes I'm dreaming You're the one Who told me by words, that I always called that as poems Who told me by actions, that I always remembered as affections You're also the one Who told me through messages that " don't ever get so high with expectations ". - By the words that have been written here You'll find you based on my pov That still blur from your sight, and still blur from your memories I ever try to forget, but you always comeback I ever try to finish, but you always start over again Its getting bigger time by time, and I always have no idea to react Even you still clueless about this, Even you still don't know anything about this....

You're a joy in the miserable You're a comfort in the mess You're a safety in the crime I wish I could love my self like I do towards you, Find the light between the darks, and Find the beauty between imperfections A miracle was when we met A happines is when loving you I wish I could love my self like I do towards you, Always saying a good words and doing compliments. So, this is that I called when "I love you" is a kinda advice for "loving my self"                      - yourbear